Back Home Again in Indiana

So, the wedding in Texas was pretty cool. Always good to catch up with old friends. We're all getting older, and the conversations have definitely changed. It used to be "hey, did you see that new movie?", or "I'm totally failing p-chem right now". Now, it's more like "how's your son's potty training coming?" and "we're thinking about refinancing our mortgage". In a way, I long for the good ol' days, but at the same time I'm starting to really appreciate the integrity and stregth of my group of friends. Truth to tell, we all have far less in common now than when we were in college. Yet, we still find ways to reconnect and enjoy each other's company. It's a nice blend of nostalgia and current life issues.

So, now I'm back home again in Indiana (pun cetainly intended), trying to convince myself that I'm actually a blogger. I've had a lot on my mind recently, but I haven't been using my blog very well to write out my thoughts. It's hard to teach an old sc1entist new tricks - hey, I'll be 30 in September, that's old enough for me!

Most recently, I've been at the bottom of my job morale cycle. I've worked the same job for 5 1/2 years, and in the same field for more than 7. Every year or so, I get fed up with my work situation and decide that I want to break out and do something different. In past years, this has meant changing departments, applying fo a promotion, or taking a class to enrich my life. This time, the feelings of dissatisfaction have been much stronger. I'm surrounded by science all day, and I spend most days feeling like what I do matters not one bit. I work to please my boss and my project managers, but not because I have some kind of innate love of science. I find myself slipping into this sort of numb dream-world at work sometimes. Everyone else is working fervently with furrowed brows, yelling about deadlines and having serious conversations at lunch about calibration curve linearity and mobile phase acid concentration. And I'm just floating along in a melancholy daze, not really giving a damn about the work that I'm doing. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the kind of person who does a halfway job on things - if I'm assigned a project, I'm going to give it 100%. But, I think that if I felt like what I was doing was really making a difference in life, I might give it 150%. Maybe more.

In the movie Office Space, Peter makes this statement: "Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if we had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever we would say, that was supposed to be our careers. If you wanted to build cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic....I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech." I guess I never really had an answer to that question either, which is probably why I'm doing what I'm doing for a living. But, I think it's time for me to find an answer.